I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
