I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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