we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
why does every cop we meet know your name?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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