I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
