Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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