We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
