Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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