gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
