mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
