if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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