thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
