There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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