we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
