I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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