so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
