hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
