if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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