xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
