Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
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Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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