margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
