Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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