I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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