all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
