Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
