My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's rum buckets o'clock
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
