Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
