Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
