just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
