Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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