There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
