dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
