seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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