she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
