Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
