Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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