Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
