I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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