Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
