don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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