I wish life had little blips of pornography
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
