I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
