that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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