$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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