I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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