She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
