I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
