Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize