Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
