you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize