It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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