My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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