hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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