I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
