sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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