Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
