I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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