Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
