I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
