thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
