You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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