When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
