Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
