I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
