Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
