Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
