I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
