You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
