It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
