You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
