I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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