i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
