haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
