Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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