I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
