Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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