He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
