Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
