It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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