Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
