"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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