Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
