I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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