yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
