can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
